Have you ever felt like your whole life is one big juggling act? Trying to relentlessly keep all the balls in the air, keep the routines going, keep the world spinning round? That one more extra cup of coffee no longer seems to be doing the trick in keeping me going like the energizer bunny – at this point I almost want to let all the balls drop and sit in a big comfy chair somewhere and do nothing for 5 hours.
Remember doing nothing? Remember when you were a teenager and bored out of your mind? You spent 3 hours doing your hair and makeup, just to go to the mall with your friend. You would whine about how boring your life was – you should have embraced and treasured that time!!!
And now I’m stuck juggling balls forever.
The hubby and I are busy working our website, our branding, our emails – busy launching a new business. I’m also working on reinstating my real estate license. I’ve got a household to manage, dinners to make, lunches to wrap up, you know – food to feed the family! Which I also have to go shopping for while we desperately try to make our budget each month.
I have a to-do list that takes up my whole day, each and every day. I have four websites to manage, along with their associated social media pages – I have to create a whole new website for free because I volunteered my time! I also run a playgroup, which doesn’t take up too much of my time. I have business cards to design, I have to research our product lines and everything to do with wood, like carbonisation (wth!).
And then we’re building a house! The delays and financing and workmanship and problems on it are extensive and never-ending!! What didn’t I mention yet?
Oh yeah! I have a family!
I have a husband to keep happy – I know, I know – I don’t sound the least bit like a feminist. But relationships take work, and when life gets so busy we tend to forget about little things – like romance! and passion! and all the things I want in a loving relationship – but then we also have KIDS. And there goes our flame. HA.
My daughter is 8 turning on 13, so moody, so whiny, and she needs SO MUCH ATTENTION. She’s cute and fun and an awesome kid! She has a great imagination. She rocks it at skiing and mountain biking, and she’s hilarious. But when you’re trying to craft an email to a would-be supplier and BEG for 5 minutes of silence and you GIVE IN to that bowl of ice cream she’s been dying for (on a SNOW DAY!) hoping for silence… and she sits next to you making weird noises and ‘zombie eyes’ and asking you if she looks like a zombie….. O M G.
And then there’s the boy, 21 months old, who’s really starting to develop a mind of his own. He’s no longer easily amused by things – he needs more entertainment, he wants to play with everybody around him all the time. He usually does this by grabbing your hand and yanking you to whatever he wants to play with (train table, puzzles, jumping on the bed!), however if you don’t comply with his request, he starts to whine and cry. This weekend I witnessed him hitting his sister because she didn’t want to play with him. Yikes.
And naptime is now a major struggle. I used to cherish those two hours per day where he would be sleeping so I could get half my to-do list done, and now he fights his naps to the extreme.
And on top of ALL OF THIS is the mommy guilt. The guilt that I don’t have my daughter in enough extra-curricular activities, that she doesn’t have as many playdates as she used to. The guilt that my son doesn’t go to as many toddler activities as perhaps he should. The guilt that I’m not being as healthy as I want to be, I eat crap routinely, I drink, my workouts have again turned into 5 minutes of crunches and then I give up because I’m needed elsewhere in my circus of a life. The guilt from wondering when was the last time I called my mother? The guilt that my husband and I aren’t paying enough attention to our marriage. The guilt that when we SHOULD be talking and spending time together, after the kids go to sleep we’ll watch an episode of The Walking Dead and then head to bed ourselves.
Juggle, juggle, juggle.
How do you do it?